I've read many child-rearing and educational books but this is the first one on social and emotional development of children under 3 that I've encountered, Raising a Happy , Unspoiled Child. Written by Burton White based on his 37 years of research and observation, it gives me a lot of insights on what is going on in a child's mind. A must read for parents who wants to raise delightful children with good EQ and SQ (Social Quotient). I highly recommended it!
Here's some important points that I've taken notes.
Social characteristics of a Delightful 3-year-old.
1. She is a happy, enjoying life most of the time rather than being a chronic complainer.
2. She is secure adn comfortable with all people most of the time, except for younger siblings.
3. She is able to share and be content with equal treatment.
4. She accepts parents' authority at all time except when ill or extremely tired.
5. She is able to get attention in a variety socially acceptable ways, self-reliant, able to use adult as a resource.
6. She expresses feelings easily; engaged in make-believe behaviour.
7. She is able to lead and to follow another child of her own age.
8. She is confident that she is able to performing well.
From birth until five and a half month, babies cry to get comfort. Frequently attending to your baby do not spoil your child. However, at about five and a half month, babies acquire the ability of intentional cry, a cry to get your company. From this time until a baby is able to crawl (around 7 and a half month old), she gets bored easily. In order to alleviate the boredom, she uses her social tool, the intentional cry, to get an adult to come to them. In order to hold down excessive cries like this, the key is to provide interesting things fot the baby to do. for examples,
1. feeding your baby's visual and hand-eye interest, by using a bouncer or walker (under supervision and limited to one hour a day only).
2. providing hard object for her to chew.
3. allowing her to enjoy the pleasure of doing leg exercise, like using a jumper.
4. letting her enjoys socializing with you.
The major social goal is to limit the overdevelopment of demands for attention. For the first 2 years, parent's reaction to baby's behaviour will be a principal factor in shaping her behaviours, and her social style.
Seven and a half to fourteen months is the next stage of social learning. All children face three critical social lessons.
1. Learning about the effect of varying degrees of crying.
If parents respond quicky to a baby's every cry by picking him up or consoling him, regardless of whether the pain is substantial of not, the baby might get into the habit of complaining frequently every day. On the other hand, babies whose parents repond to minor mishaps by offering visual reassurance and distraction, will learn to take minor misfortunes in stride.
2. Acquiring good and bad habit.
When babies engage in bad habit such as pulling hair or standing up in a high chair, parents should response calmly instead of dramitically because that kind of response is exciting to a child, and to him it is worth trying again!
3. Learning to insist on getting one's own way.
Babies start to resist your direction in feeding (by turning down the food your offer) and in diapering ( by escaping or kicking).
At this stage, babies are motivated by 3 principal interests: social interactions, mastery of body and satisfaction of curiosity. If the balance is lost, the child might orientates towards her key person to fullfil her social interactions, and thus becoming overly demanding.
More about balancing the three principal interests, on the next part of notes......to me, it is very interesting!
